They Shall Breathe Ashes, the famous assassin, and her assistant Shelby are crashing a wedding. They is wearing a red carnation; Shelby has long sleeves. The people on the right think Shelby is They’s daughter (those on the left, her date).
“And how do you know Enrico?” says a curious gentleman with glasses and not enough hair.
“I’m going to kill him,” says They, and winks outrageously. The table loves it: a jealous ex!
“Isn’t he vegetarian?” says Shelby, in that lovely contralto voice.
“That’s right.”
“Then why are they serving Caesar salad?”
“It’s salad,” says the gentleman, a little confused.
They Shall Breathe Ashes, the famous assassin, and her assistant Shelby are on a red carpet. They is wearing a sweeping gown in cream; Shelby, a suit and a hint of rouge.
“TSBA!” shouts a man behind the velvet rope. “What was it like working with Kelsey Grammer?”
“You have no idea,” They purrs.
“They, did you really kill the Queen?” shouts a woman.
“If I did, I’d have to kill you too.”
“How would you do that,” the man shouts, “in front of all these cameras?”
Shelby drops an infrared grenade. It fires.
“That didn’t do anything,” shouts the man.
They Shall Breathe Ashes, the famous assassin, and her assistant Shelby are on a rooftop. They and Shelby have neither guns nor toupees.
“What did you dust on his toupee, Shelby?” asks They.
“Powdered sugar,” says Shelby, “and permanganate of potash.”
“Nonpoisonous on contact,” gloats their opponent. “Should have done your homework, girls!” He waves his gun, and they walk obligingly toward the edge.
“Storm’s coming,” observes They.
“I promise you’ll miss the worst of it,” he scoffs. “Make like lemmings.”
“That’s a myth,” says Shelby.
“No, lemmings are real,” he says, as the first drop of rain hits his head.
They Shall Breathe Ashes, the famous assassin, and her assistant Shelby are in a HALO jump. They is wearing a Kevlar-polypro-spandex white bodysuit with red accents; Shelby, an insulated brown coverall.
“Ten seconds to opening altitude,” crackles Shelby over the link.
“Remember, we’re splitting east-west once the chutes open,” says They. “You’ll steer onto the roof, penetrate security, poison his spoon and rendezvous at the maintenance tunnel exit. Try to avoid the dogs this time? I’ll change clothes and smirk at the front gate.”
Radio silence.
“Shelby?” says They.
“You always take the goddamn hard part,” Shelby responds.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006