Skip to content

Category Archives: Uncategorized

Gillelie

“I hate hair,” Gillelie announces.

“Yes,” murmurs Amette as she counts out the register. “Just like it says on your shirt.”

Gillelie wipes a stray hair off the nametag she’s emblazoned HAIR SUCKS. “Oh,” she says, “you already saw that?”

“You still have to sweep it up.”

“I don’t mind that part!” Gillelie leans down to run the shop broom down the salon floor. “This way I get to tell the hair how much it sucks. I mean, would it even know otherwise?”

“I doubt the hair is listening,” says Amette.

But you are, thinks Gillelie smugly, patting her stubbled head.

Sofia

Smashcore is like noise music except it can only be properly appreciated while your car is wrapping itself around a telephone pole, and for some reason Sofia’s mom won’t even let her have the old Camry to try it.

“You hardly even drive it,” Sofia points out reasonably.

“That doesn’t mean you can wreck it,” Mom groans. “You’re not even sixteen!” she sneers. “And all it’s going to sound like is you breaking your neck!” she screeches, over and over, like a broken macaw.

Sofia tries running her bike into a wall with her headphones on but obviously that doesn’t work.

SWM

SWM, late 20s, 5′ 10 3/4″, working on losing those extra pounds; new driver with ambitions to nomadic wandering, currently living in college friends’ spare room. Seeking S/D/PF, will give just about anything a try! No smokers, no drug abusers, teetotaller who would prefer same. Great at lasting relationships (still talks to ex-girlfriend on a daily basis). Music lover–seven years of experience playing bongos, completely self-taught. Sci-fi/fantasy writer working on self-published debut. Loves board games, card games, video games, improv games, role-playing games and Battlestar Galactica! Ask about my WoW character.

Matociquala

If you’re big enough to get by on one breath a year, you can hibernate for a very long time. Matociquala has.

The effort it once took to irrigate Las Vegas seems absurd, in 2050, as meltwater trickles down from Hubbard to refill the Precambrian sea. The West is a greenhouse, and things long dormant are waking: flowers, and trilobites, and beasts aching for heat.

His crypt is broken; the waves of his footsteps capsize speedboats down the Strip. Lost salmon climb balconies in ancestral terror.

Matociquala, his hour come round at last, lurches toward the desert city like a stóribjörn.

Marla

Marla’s been on the porch drinking since the sun touched the library roof, and her eyes now are puffy and mean. Too hot for February. There’s a cold front coming in.

She decides to walk through campus with her car keys in her hand. It’s after eleven, and inside gangly kids are frantically trying to fuck away the leap year. She reads windows in passing, a construction paper alphabet: Mu Alpha Lambda, Alpha Kappa Alpha. She wonders what that would spell.

There’s a rock in her other hand. She’s not sure how.

Around her stalks March, lioness in a lean season.

Keeley

Every four weeks, on the waning sliver, Keeley’s mother makes them pack up the whole carnival and drive to the most secluded spot around. Keeley’s mother is happiest if this requires actively trespassing. Then they set up and turn on and run the thing all night so that the ghosts can have their turn.

There aren’t any actual ghosts; Keeley’s mother just needs some weird justification for her monthly gin bender.

One time Keeley cut eyeholes in a sheet and wandered around hoping a ghost would kiss her, but instead Siam and Zion (the twins) did, and that was okay too.

Mona

The Washouts are that band with two bassists. They would consider a keyboardist, well, if she was on the right wavelength? Just no guitars.

It’s a thing.

But by the time they get their interview with Mona from Velocity Weekly they’re so past that. “I can’t blame the fans for clinging to the gimmick,” says the bassist, “the ones from when we were starting out, you know.”

“And when was that?” Mona asks.

He thinks. “Saturday?”

Mona’s only here because she’s crushing hard on the drummer, but there’s this goth girl clinging to him like a wad of white library paste.

Weintraub

2038 and they’re all out on the streets, sneakered and bearded. They don’t care that it’s January; it never gets cold now anyway. It’s almost time.

Weintraub is one of the wandering crowd, Vinge paperback in hand, but he’s starting to get worried. It should have happened by now. What’s their UTC offset here, anyway?

“Sir?” shouts a blogarazzo, camgun leveled at him. “Are you involved in this activity? Can you tell me what you’re all waiting for?”

“The Sing,” says Weintraub, tears tracking his face, “the Sing Sing Sing,” and stares at his wristwatch for the first sign of life.

Roderick

Wij hebben twee Fried Chicken Kippenhamburger Wrap Subs, een kom nodig Dippin’ Bacon en–beste, wilde u dessert? Een Battered Marihuanabrownie, tevreden.

Zou u Mayonaise Fries gerechten of een drank met dat vandaag willen proberen?” says Roderick rotely. “Dank u, zal het uit juist zijn.” He shuts off the register, taps Landry to help him and starts bagging up the trash.

“Do you ever wonder if they know real Unitedstatesian food is nothing like this?” sighs Roderick on the walk back from the dumpster, shaking down his cigarettes.

“What?” says Landry, taking the pack and knocking one out. “Yes it is.”

Jarno

Triumphantly, Jarno proves that P = NP (elliptical curves, in case you’re wondering, yes, again, seriously). The university is full of cameras for about two weeks; he gets the prize check from the Clay Institute, and later he’ll probably split a Nobel.

He spends part of the money on a cabin at Shadow Mountain Lake and the rest to name a reading room at the library. A million dollars isn’t so much, actually. A little more than the value of his 401(k).

Some grad students use his work to break a Minesweeper record. Jarno fishes, and thinks about birds in flight.